Same Sex Marriage (interview based)

Despite being in the 21st century, many of our views as a society worldwide remain stuck in the past. We stunt to maintain a thriving population built on acceptance and equality, yet we diminish anyone or anything, which over steps, what is considered the societal norm. An issue that is constantly bombarded is homosexuality. From country to country, different laws and views apply to being gay. Whether it be the legalisation of same sex marriages in more developed countries, or the torture and discrimination of those who are gay in other countries. 

In recent news, a story has triggered a lot of debate, after a cake maker, Jack Phillips, refused to bake a wedding cake for a gay couple in Colorado, back in 2012. The case has now advanced onto the US Supreme Court. To see such an ‘advanced’ country, still be the home to so many closed minded people was a big shock. I decided to catch up with Callum Nelson, 28, who himself is in a same sex marriage, to further explore the attitudes towards gay marriage in the UK.

Callum was very familiar with the story of the cake that was never made, as he himself at the time was in a “committed relationship” with his current partner Ethan. They were both appalled, “We kept wondering if this is the kind of hate we should expect if we were to ever get married.” He says. Callum was in particular shocked as to where the incident took place, “I mean other countries look up to America for guidance, so if it can happen there, it can really and truly happen anywhere.” Same sex marriage is legal in both the UK and the USA, although this is further progress than a lot of other countries, Callum simply says that, “legalisation does not get rid of the discrimination.” Just because an action becomes right by law, it doesn’t necessarily mean that people will agree with it. 

I proceed to ask Callum about any direct negative experiences he might have been through due to his sexuality, “With me it isn’t so bad, because to most people I don’t have the appearance that they think of when they think of gay. But with my husband its much different, it's mainly other men, they tend to move away from him, laugh or sometimes make rude remarks or gestures.” When asked about whether his sexuality affects him within his place of work, he says, “Its sad to say but there have been a few times, where I have felt like I haven’t got a promotion that I blatantly deserved due to the fact I am gay and my boss is a heterosexual male.” Despite discrimination still existing in the UK, Callum was “relieved” that it was minimal in comparison to less developed countries, where you he says, “You can die just for sexually interfering with another guy.”

Although, same sex marriage is legal in the UK, it is often in question whether gay marriages should be allowed to take place inside churches. As many strong Catholic churches condemn homosexuality. Callum discussed that in reality, the decision of if a couple would like to get married in a church is up to them, however for “gay couples that option does not exist.” He continued on to say, “For me personally, it wasn’t that much of an issue as I always dreamed of a very strange and unconventional wedding. Unfortunately, my husband comes from a religious background, one that accepts him too. So, it was upsetting for him that he couldn’t live through that traditional ceremony, and it was upsetting for me because I couldn’t give him what he wanted.” Callum believed that we as a society still have a “long way to go”, before we start to see gay marriages inside church walls.

The LGBT community is making positive progress in a majority of places across the world. A massive success is the yearly gay pride celebrations that take place, the events are filled with bright colours and acceptance. However, this is simply not enough to fight homophobia in more remote parts of the world. I was intrigued to know what Callum believed needed to be done to at least trigger the slow elimination of homophobia, “It would take a bloody miracle, ha! Seriously though I think that it isn’t just about being gay, or trans, or bi, its just about if you’re different in general. People need to see that different isn’t scary or wrong, as a matter of fact. People only fear what they don’t understand.” He believed that a good short term solution, would be “If icons from all these countries that are against gay marriage showed their support to the LGBT community. Their fans etcetera look up to them.”

High and strong tensions remain running between the LGBT community and those who maintain homophobic attitudes, despite the strong under tones of anger and rage, Callum firmly believed in maintaining a peaceful approach. He says, “The more we fight them, the more of a barrier we create, and the more different and isolated we become to them. And what’s the point of that, that just makes them more scared of us?” The idea of conflict was far from appealing to Callum, as he referred to all the deaths that have already occurred due to a simple “conflict of beliefs”. He claimed that people don’t necessarily have to accept that he is gay, all he asks is for them to “tolerate it and let me live my life, it has nothing to do with anyone else.” People of a homosexual nature don’t harm us, and so why do we harm them?

Callum was pleased to say that the current rate of homophobia in the UK is fairly low, “it’s funny to hear or see to be honest with you, because it doesn’t happen often, so when it does, you can just brush it off.” On the other hand, he was devastated knowing that this was not the case worldwide, and in a lot of other countries, “Men and women are being tortured, mutilated and killed just because of who they want to spend their lives with or because of who they choose to have sex with?”. The high risk posed by homophobia in certain countries was something he considered “frightening and dangerous”, as well as being a deterrent for people to accept their sexuality, “Nobody wants to come out, if they know that they are most likely going to get battered for it.”

As a society we must aim to fight discrimination, although the UK is not a “key concern” within the LGBT community for improvement. It remains far from perfect. As a final note, Callum added “The little remarks and rude comments don’t affect me too tough personally, but one day not the strongest of people may hear that and who knows what that can drive them to do. The remarks are unnecessary and frankly need to stop now.”